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The Bitcher: Sterility

The Bitcher: Sterility

The Bitcher: Sterility by markydaysaid
The Bitcher: Sterility by markydaysaid


I'm going to be making at least a few Witcher comics. I really enjoyed the Witcher series. I like the tone, the story, the characters, and even the lore (to an extent. I really DON'T like the 'confluence' and all that junk, it just sounds dumb). I've always said that my least favorite thing about the Witcher is Geralt himself, since he is one of my two least favorite varieties of protagonist. He's the grizzled, hardcore, brooding, edge-lord, uber-stud who can defeat any enemy and fuck any girl, but of course he's got all kinds of suuuuuper serious tragedy in his background, because that's what makes him deep and mysterious. I hate it. He's like Wolverine, my least favorite character in the X-Men, since whenever Wolverine is around, it stops being about the X-Men and starts being about Wolverine.  

The other sort of protagonist I dislike is the Mary Sue, the good-at-everything wonder-girl whose pluckiness is the only thing that can save the day. What a bitch. 

That's why Geralt is going to be the butt of almost all of my Witcher jokes. I find brooding edge-lords to be contemptible and worthy of mockery, and so he'll be mocked. 

General Info

General Info
Comments 81
Category Games Media Digital drawing or painting
Date Submitted Time Taken
Views 74188 Reference
Favorites... 706 Keywords , , ,
Vote Score 618 License Berne Convention


Comments (81)

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Triaxx on August 18, 2018, 8:46:42 PM

Triaxx on
TriaxxI'm so happy to hear you don't like him either. I dislike the games for other reasons, but he's just such a nozzle.

Sacksplash on August 1, 2018, 5:47:41 PM

Sacksplash on
SacksplashHe's not an edge-lord, more of a cynical dick to people he doesn't like. I don't blame him though, the Witcher world is a terrible place full of terrible people, and all he wants is vodka and the open road. And women.

markydaysaid on August 1, 2018, 5:50:40 PM

markydaysaid on
markydaysaidSounds like a lord of edge to me. Or at least a thane of edge. 

Entreri on August 11, 2018, 8:13:22 AM

Entreri on
EntreriWhen I was reading the description, I thought you were going to call him the second type of character, the Mary Sue. Cause he totally is. But he's also an edgelord. It's like hitting the jackpot twice at a lottery nobody wants to win. It is a great game though, no argument from me about that.

And while there's nothing wrong with an empowered male (or female) protagonist, a Mary Sue is usually defined as an idealized, wish-fulfillment figure created for the author's gratification.
To give the quick crash course, the Mary Sue is really great at everything they try their hand at, physically attractive, and in the case of medieval fantasy stories, will have a really unusually modern, progressive attitude, and the world and everyone in it will seem to revolve around the actions of this one person. They constantly occupy the moral high ground to such an extent that they possess an almost supernatural knowledge of what's right and good for everyone they meet. Almost as if they literally are the author in disguise. Geralt is a master swordsman, magic user, alchemist, hunter and fantasy CSI technician, he's been personally involved with virtually all the important political figures in the land, and all the ladies want to fuck a Geralt-shaped indentation in the mattress for his distinguished scars and buff bod.

The other hallmark of the Mary Sue is that they must be a tragic figure that demands sympathy, but are never flawed or impeded by their tragedy in any way. Their impediments are either of the told-and-not-shown variety (such as how we're told that witchers are universally reviled, even though he gets more pussy than James Bond), or the variety where their flaws and impediments are actually blatant advantages that the character can disingenuously angst about. Geralt is ostensibly considered to be disgusting because he put himself through a traumatic mutation process, the end result being that he's really good at fighting and got an advanced metabolism and an incredibly long lifespan, with no damage to his mental faculties or physical appearance besides ripped muscles, nightlong sexual stamina, lightning quick reflexes, cool and interesting white hair and cat eyes. Oh Geralt, you poor lamb. How on Earth do you shoulder such a burden.

Of course, none of this makes it bad. Having a Mary Sue to some degree is pretty much unavoidable in a video game, because the plot revolves around the protagonist by necessity, and the modern-day audience will probably want the character they're controlling to have similar modern-day values to their own. All video game protagonists are by default audience surrogates, before we even consider if they might be author surrogates as well.

BaconPowder on August 16, 2018, 6:02:15 AM

BaconPowder on
BaconPowderI'm about half way into the books but how is Geralt a Mary Sue? He gets his ass beat by the main villain in the second book and his companions call him out when he's being a douche. Also Geralt wasn't given a choice to undergo the trial of the grasses like you're implying here. I just don't see enough evidence to qualify him as anything beyond a cynical dick.

Entreri on August 18, 2018, 6:50:29 AM

Entreri on
EntreriHim getting his ass beat doesn't necessarily disqualify him from being a Mary Sue, it's just a good move in any story. The main villain needs to be the more dangerous of the two in order to establish a credible threat and build the protagonist as the underdog. That being said, I was mainly referring to the games. I've read the books, but it's been a while, and they're hella out of order. If you haven't finished the full series yet, then I won't spoil, but Vilgefortz (we are talking about Vilgefortz, right?) gets a colossal amount of shit thrown his way. Yes, he breaks his foot off in Geralt's asshole during that early fight, but the long-term is far from rosy for him. Let's just say he forgets to keep his EYE ON THE PRIZE throughout the series. <puts on sunglasses, CSI theme plays> I’m sorry, no more puns. I promise.
The #1 marker of a Mary Sue for me (different people rank the markers differently) is the character's morality/ideals. In my opinion, they can be a cynical dick and still be a Mary Sue. They can get called out for being a cynical dick and still be a Mary Sue. My personal litmus test is whether their ideals seem impossibly progressive and modern for no in-universe reason, as if said character was a present-day character in disguise, like, say, the author himself. Whenever someone disagrees with him they are portrayed as a bigot or idiot. He has these really progressive modern ideals in a world stuffed full of bigots and superstitious people because he went to... monster training school? His only flaw seems to be that he's hated by everyone for the sole reason that he is better than they are at pretty much everything and they're just totes jealous of how cool he is. Or something. Is he a cynical dick? Absolutely. But it's usually because someone else was a cynical dick to him first. But he also feels like exactly the kind of character that a writer would put into a story to represent an idealized version of himself.
As for the trial of the grasses, sorry, the context of the sentence in question was a little hard to decipher. "Geralt is ostensibly considered to be disgusting because he put himself through a traumatic mutation process..." was meant to be interpreted differently. I meant it as "The people who hate him do so because of a false reason: they think that he chose to be a mutant, even though he didn't. By hanging their hatred on a false reason, it paints their prejudice as unfounded and foolish, thereby making themselves seem like a bigoted idiot and making Geralt the moral victor." That's what I meant by the wording I used.
While Geralt does manage to avoid many of the makings of a Mary Sue, it does seem that Witchers in general are designed to be pretty flawless with the only reason people don't like them being because they are ignorant yokels. Witchers have enhanced senses, strength and reflexes with cool eyes and badass combat and magic skills and popularity with ladies, with the only legitimate downside being infertility. However when you're "sheathing your silver-coated meteoric iron longsword" balls deep in as much pussaayyy as Geralt gets, I'm pretty sure that infertility is another blessing in disguise. While Geralt is by no means flawless, I do have to admit he does tread awfully close to Mary Sue territory and perhaps some would argue that the line has already been crossed.

thesilentorion on August 5, 2018, 7:44:46 PM

thesilentorion on
thesilentorionI had this ridiculously long thing I was going to cut down until I accidentally clicked a link and wiped the whole damn thing so here's the short version . . . the "short version" also exploded way too long. Goddamnit.

As I understand it, having mostly read about the series instead of reading/playing the series itself --  except for somehow managing to log twenty hours into Witcher 3 even though I barely feel like I've done anything:

Geralt's only kind of an edgelord because the narrative itself doesn't constantly worship and enable his douchebaggery. Take characters like Wolverine, Batman, Sasuke Uchiha: they're edgelords when and because they are massive over-dramatic douchebags whose stories let them be massive douchebags with no real reprisal even though they're surrounded by perfectly competent characters who manage to be just as good as them at getting shit done without being colossal dicks about the whole thing. The story favors them for being edgelords even when it doesn't really make any sense.

Geralt, though, is still a huge asshole but he gets called out for it all the fucking time. People tolerate him because he's extremely good at killing monsters and it's a low fantasy shithole where 99% of the other competent fighters are even worse assholes. In the context of the setting, he's really not that bad, either. Mostly, he just really hates social skills and while he is also happy to abuse the ability to give women the safest sex they'll ever have in a low-tech setting, the same thing that lets Geralt do that also means he basically has to go out and do incredibly dangerous pest extermination jobs -- that nobody else wants to fucking deal with -- for sometimes-shitty pay and almost no respect. Sure, this is the sort of thing that adventurers go out and do all the time in fiction but that's part of what makes The Witcher stand out: it's one of the very rare series(I can personally point out one other) to acknowledge exactly how much this would really fucking suck to have as a day job -- and Geralt's personality kind of reflects that.

He's still a dick, though, and again, people on the streets call him out for it; one of the major things he's known for is being a mass-murderer(a misunderstanding that people believe because, well, he's enough of a dick to make it believable) and I distinctly remember being banned from a tavern in Witcher 3 for choosing the well-meaning but still murderous option. Sure, Geralt is a bit of a Mary Sue for other reasons but on the edgelord scale in particular, he's treated a bit too realistically over being such an asshole to qualify.

starklight11 on August 12, 2018, 9:07:50 AM

starklight11 on
starklight11Yeah the thing is the games do a much better job of calling out Geraldo as a character than the books do, and the books are essentially there only to suck Geraldo's cock, because he is 100% Sapkowski's self-insert edgelord mary sue has-sex-with-all-the-hot-chicks fanfic power fantasy.

Sacksplash on August 4, 2018, 10:40:41 PM

Sacksplash on
SacksplashI've never known an edgelord to get drunk, then hire a bunch of hookers so he and his buddies could try to ride them across a river. 

meguy2 on August 11, 2018, 9:55:23 PM

meguy2 on
meguy2Depends on the kind of Edgelord, a weeb sasuke wannabee edgelord? No. A Wolverine/Grey Hulk style edgelord? Yeah probably.

Hanzo615 on August 7, 2018, 7:35:06 PM

Hanzo615 on
Hanzo615Dude, it seems to me that you are one of those people who immediately call a character an edgelord or a Mary Sue at the slightest display of traits associated with the trope. I honestly hate that trend because characters  ( especially females ) can't even breathe without being called a Mary Sue . If Geralt is an edgelord then so am i for being grumpy in the morning at the supermarket . Love your work and your sense of humor , keep up the good work!

LustfulIllusions on August 7, 2018, 10:56:33 PM

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LustfulIllusionsAgreed. Its like all leads have to be impotent like the writer is insulting the audience. He'd probably have a HEART ATTACK if he saw Kenshiro.

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 2, 2018, 5:11:05 AM

CrimsonInfiltrator on
CrimsonInfiltratorThis is 100% from the book, I shit you not. IF YOU READ ANY PASSAGE FROM THE BOOK, MARK, YOU NEED TO READ THIS ONE! 

markydaysaid on August 2, 2018, 5:27:38 AM

markydaysaid on
markydaysaid(deep inhale) . . . WHAAAAAAAT? This sounds like something I'd write! 😱

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 2, 2018, 5:44:25 AM

CrimsonInfiltrator on
CrimsonInfiltratorI can tell you all about the spicy bits of the books. Like how Ciri's father wanted to marry her so he would have sovereignty over her mother's kingdom, he instead settles for an imposer look-alike. That is right, a father is fucking a girl who looks exactly like his daughter. Or how the King of the Wild Hunt finger blasted Ciri to orgasm, but refused to sleep with her. Because to him having sex with a human was on par with fucking a dog. That bit had to do with getting the Elder Blood back in the hands of the elfs.

sorry for spoilers. 

Gogmagog on August 7, 2018, 5:10:40 PM

Gogmagog on
GogmagogI believe he wanted to marry Ciri because having a kid with her would create one who could stop the Eternal Winter, but he couldn't go through with something that nasty.

meguy2 on August 11, 2018, 9:47:15 PM

meguy2 on
meguy2Her father or the elf?

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 16, 2018, 2:50:04 AM

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CrimsonInfiltratorThe Elf King, I don't recall her father knowing/caring about her Elder Blood.

starklight11 on August 12, 2018, 9:14:47 AM

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starklight11If this is what Poland considers it's gift to literature it... needs better writers.

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 14, 2018, 2:25:12 AM

CrimsonInfiltrator on
CrimsonInfiltratorOr the USA needs better translators because you know...POLISH ISN'T ENGLISH!

starklight11 on August 14, 2018, 2:52:49 AM

starklight11 on
starklight11Yes and the Quran can only be understood in Arabic.
You know that defence is horseshit right?

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 16, 2018, 2:36:50 AM

CrimsonInfiltrator on
CrimsonInfiltratorThere is a reason why "Lost in Translation" is a common saying. It is like trying to say an English Pun in Chinese. They'll get what the person is saying, but it is not gonna have the same impact. 

lucis-howler on August 14, 2018, 8:24:34 AM

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lucis-howlerIndeed you need to understand Arab to fully understand Quran. Same with Veda which can fully be understand if you learn Sanskrit. Because not all arabic or sanskrit word exist in English. Same goes with Polish. 

TChen on August 6, 2018, 10:12:35 AM

TChen on
TChenso let me get this straight...
he-elves get bored of she-elves because they aren't DTF often enough and so go for human females, who don't take as long to get fertile as she-elves and are thus DTF more often, and then the she-elves then go for human men who are always in the mood and have such a sex drive to not give a fuck if a partner is ovulating or not and then somehow triggers something to get the she-elves to be DTF but only with human men. 

starklight11 on August 12, 2018, 9:18:22 AM

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starklight11And I thought warcraft's writers were blatant about their elf waifu for human men fantasies.

neoarcher0 on August 13, 2018, 10:45:50 PM

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neoarcher0Now that I think about it. I'm pretty sure the Windrunner sisters are the ONLY example of interracial inter-species marriage in that universe. Or at the very least major characters anyway.

starklight11 on August 14, 2018, 2:54:40 AM

starklight11 on
starklight11You forget Shandris "HUMAN POTENTIAL" Feathermoon fawning over NotRambo like she's a horny teenager and he's the first buff daddy she's ever seen.
Moreover, the Windrunners (sadly) collectively represent 95% of elf development in the story at the moment. And this includes Night Elves and Nightborne.

DeltaSix11 on August 4, 2018, 1:43:12 AM

DeltaSix11 on
DeltaSix11Dats hawt.

Doeber on August 2, 2018, 4:24:26 PM

Doeber on
DoeberIs it just me or do elves come across as the ultimate race of cuckolds after reading that page?

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 2, 2018, 5:35:27 AM

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CrimsonInfiltratorAnd Leo Bonhart, this guy wrecked Ciri in the books. Made her strip to nothing and lead her by a leash through towns and such. He kept her complacent with drugs, beat her mercilessly and forced her to fight in a death ring. Think this all happens while she was still a preteen. 

Zepheyr on August 12, 2018, 1:23:59 PM

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ZepheyrBut Geralt isn't an edgelord lol

Valkod on August 1, 2018, 5:24:59 PM

Valkod on
ValkodSo, what the hell is the 'confluence' stuff? I've only played a good chunk of the first and the intro of the second. I probably missed it or forgot what it is since I haven't played in years.

markydaysaid on August 1, 2018, 5:47:34 PM

markydaysaid on
markydaysaidIt's about Ciri's powers. 1,500 years before the events of the games, humans, unicorns, beasts, and monsters came into the world because of a big multidimensional collapse that fused multiple worlds together . . . Or something. Elves, dwarves, and gnomes already existed in the world (and possible certain extinct varieties of humans). Elves are also from another dimension though, and they only came into the world because the followed the unicorns during one of their inter-dimensional migrations. I think dwarves and gnomes are the only real natives of the world. I guess.
Ciri is a descended of a famous elven sorceress and a male sorcerer who lived during the time of the Conjunction, and so she has 'Elder Blood' and the power to teleport between worlds, and even travel in time, which is a power that a lot of different groups would like to exploit for various reasons. I guess. 
This is all exactly the sort of 'lore' that I hate. I just think it's a bunch of fluff and pseudo-history. 

Valkod on August 1, 2018, 8:04:04 PM

Valkod on
ValkodSo Ciri is basically a super-special Mary Sue who can do things no one else in the setting is capable of and unicorns are why humans as they're known exist in the setting? I know I'm simplifying what you said, but most of the lore described just comes off as very cliche and too similar to actual history while trying to be fantasy even if it's low-fantasy. Plus I remember hearing the author is super egotistical and thinks the games are only super-huge in the west because of his books instead of it being the other way around.

Gogmagog on August 7, 2018, 5:08:15 PM

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GogmagogWell, IMO, it is more in question with Geralt. Geralt has super skills of a Witcher but he has been around for quite some time and has picked up a bunch of those skills through hard work. He uses bombs, potions and oils to help with but still gets clawed up many times. He knows a bunch of famous people sure, but outside being able to have a nice hot bath, he gets treated like dirt by most people due to Witcher backlash.
 Ciri...comes off more Mary Sue in the game IMO since she can easily bounce across worlds and gets to know famous people just by being Geralt's adoptive daughter. and charms despicable people like The Bloody Baron even though he leads a pack of killers and rapists. So she isn't on my 'like' list

CrimsonInfiltrator on August 2, 2018, 5:19:47 AM

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CrimsonInfiltratorCliche? That is like saying Warhammer 40k copies Alien or Starcraft. The Witcher was made in the late 80s with the main story books being completed in the late 90s. Only just recently have the books themselves been translated to English, mostly because of the fandom surrounding the video games. The Witcher actually started out as twisted fairy tales. 

SmilingBeast on August 6, 2018, 10:13:56 AM

SmilingBeast on
SmilingBeastThe Witcher "actually started out" as a less-good ripoff of Michael Moorcock.
And StarCraft deliberately and poorly copies Warhammer 40k, so I'm not sure what that analogy was meant to do.

LittleSlimy on August 5, 2018, 5:17:04 PM

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LittleSlimyCiri isn't a Mary Sue, she can fails if you play it wrong.
The author never believed the games would be such hits.

joeshmoelb on August 2, 2018, 7:37:38 AM

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joeshmoelbMore like he didn't want the popularity to begin with, and regrets selling the rights to make a game, as he feels like the story going forward should have been in a book as is 'proper' for the series to end on.

PopTom on August 7, 2018, 12:39:32 AM

PopTom on
PopTomIt's just a joke, it's just a joke, it's just a jo-IF THEY WEREN'T STERILE, WOULDN'T THERE BE MORE WITCHERS AROUND INSTEAD OF THEM BEING NEAR EXTINCTED !?... Goddmanit... my love(need?) for arguing strikes once again...

Hurbster on August 5, 2018, 4:22:11 PM

Hurbster on
HurbsterHe's not an edgelord at all.

kato42 on August 4, 2018, 7:03:25 PM

kato42 on
kato42Lol!  Nice!

Reinbach on August 4, 2018, 12:34:13 PM

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ReinbachI love how pissed off the babies look! XD

Polar_fox on August 4, 2018, 12:25:52 PM

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Polar_foxNo offence, but this joke is sooo "funny" and  "fresh", what i rember mention of it cople of times in books and atleast once in "Wild hunt" (some monstrer hunting order).